Snuggle a Puggle

Have you ever heard of a Puggle? 

I happen to have one as a best friend. 

PUG + BEAGLE

 

= PUGGLE

I ordered Julius Caesar Holmes from an online breeder. 

He flew all the way from Ohio to Myrtle Beach International Airport. 

My furry friend goes by many names, but just to name a few:

• JuJu
• The Jooj
• Ju Bean
• Joojie Poojie
• Handsome
• Lovey
• Snuggly Puggly Wuggly 

 I got Julius when I first came home from my 2-year term in Laos. He made me feel loved and understood in a time in my life when I felt like a complete weirdo. Re-adjusting to life in America took a whole lot of work. I had to learn how to fit back into a puzzle that I had not been a piece of in a while. Needless to say, some of my pegs had lost their original shape and no longer fit into the open spaces allotted to them. I even cut off my long hair because I felt so different inside; I wanted my outward appearance to match how I felt inwardly. Julius helped me by being a constant, non-anxious presence in my life. 

I highly recommend Puggle snuggles to everyone, but other dogs will show you unconditional love as well. I will forever love JuJu for being so cute and soft, but I appreciate him all the more for being a supportive, furry friend who is fiercely loyal. 

God Provides

A Personal Testimony

I followed God's call to Campbell University last June.

I had my clothes and a bed with me, and I scored a job at Food Lion. 

I rented a house in town, but needed roommates in order to afford it. 

I didn't know anyone.

God provided.

I didn't have much to my name. 

People helped me. 

People gave me old couches, old dressers, an old TV, and a microwave. 

People gave me gifts. 

I had food stamps each month.

God provided. 

I switched from cashiering at Food Lion to delivering pizzas at Domino's.

I was overeducated, but I had a job. 

I met people on campus and networked. 

I made friends. 

Friends connected me to a better paying job on campus. 

Coworkers and friends became my roommates.

God provided. 

Am I content now? Yes.
But was I content during the waiting period? Yes.
Why? Because I may not have had what I wanted, but I have always had what I needed.
God provides. 

Obedience to God does not mean that we will always get what we want, but God will always provide us with what we need when we obediently follow. Looking back on the past year makes me thankful. I see God as being faithful rather than a God who would leave me in the dust. This is my testimony to God's faithfulness and provision. 

No, I'm not a healthy, wealthy billionaire who obeys in order to earn prosperity in life. However, I am a thankful human being who testifies to God's faithfulness. 

Trust… Trust the one who made you. 

New Beginnings in Merica

Well folks, it's been about 2 weeks since I've been back in America. I'm trying to figure out how exactly to do life here. What I now have on my hands is a whole lot of time. Time. I'm in some weird in-between stage at the moment. Part of what I've been trying to figure out is how to spend this time. So, I'm doing it the best way I know how.

What have I been up to? 

My brother's band concert. 

My brother's football game. 

Kindergarten field trips with my mom's class. 

Watching the Nightmare Before Christmas with my brothers. 

Visiting my best friend in the upstate of SC. 

Dancing the night away. 

Playing tennis with my dad and brothers. 

Visiting my grandparents in a pea sized town for a bit. 

Carving pumpkins.

I'm trying to make the most of this extra time. So far? It's been fun to get a taste of the things I've been missing out on. One day at a time, I feel like I will eventually get used to being here again. What's going to happen tomorrow or the next day is something I'm trying to let go of, give to God, and not worry about too much. It's just time to soak up the precious time that I have with people in my life. I'll find my place and figure things out eventually. For now, I'm just being for a while.

I miss my home away from home. Southeast Asia is on my heart and mind every day that I breathe. 

Here's to transitions and change. 

When Wal*Mart causes depression

I'm back in America. It's officially been one week. I've noticed a whole lot of things that I never used to notice before. I know that I am an American. But let's put it this way… Imagine for a second that all Americans are squares. And all the people where I was serving are circles. Then you have me. I was a square, but when I moved away, I started to lose (painfully lose) my corners and edges a little bit. Now? I'm some strange octagon. Not really a square, not really a circle. It feels pretty weird.

Holli is an…. 

So, Wal*Mart is a bit overwhelming. I go inside and cannot buy more than a handful of things.  Hearing super fast English all the time is overwhelming. What did you say? Come again? 

Everyone is moving so fast! Why are you guys so busy? Let's go plant rice and take a nap at our fruit stand. Church is really nice and formal. I can understand everything that everyone says (and sometimes I'd rather be in the dark for some conversations). There are no pot-holes in the roads. The dirt here is dark brown instead of reddish orange. American food is now bland to me. Yeah, I do feel like an alien. Things aren't better or worse here. Things are just different. I can take a shower for days. The water would still be hot. The water would still be ON! It's kinda nuts. 

I've enjoyed seeing friends and family so far. I still get a little blinded in my mind over how to answer: "How was it?" Oh! And I don't know how to respond to: "I bet you're glad to be back." It was a whole lot of things cuz it was 2 years. Was it good? Yes. Challenging? Yes. Did I grow? Yes. Would I do it again? Yes. Hard times? Yes. Difficult? Yes. An entire rainbow full of answers for that question. And yes, I am glad to see people. I'm not necessarily glad to be back. I miss the land that became my home. I miss the people who became my second family.Maybe I could take all the people I love in America back to Asia with me. That's a nice compromise. Who's in? 

To all my peeps here in the USA, sorry if I'm weird, socially awkward, or can't seem to find the right words to say at the moment. Bare with me. I'm sure things will get better with time. 

-Octagon Life

OMG! Why'd you cut your hair?

Guilty: I cut my hair really short. 

It's true. You might have seen pictures of it on Facebook already. I personally love it. Many people have asked me why I cut my beautiful locks off. As always, I have answers for you. No worries. 

Drum roll, please! I cut my hair before I came home because I feel so so different inside. Usually, people look at the outside only and assume it reflects the inside. Cutting to the point here, I didn't want to look the same as I did before I left because I didn't want people to assume that I was/am the same now. I want the outside to be a direct reflection of the inside: Changed, Different. I feel like a completely different person after living overseas. Maybe I have the same personality, but I have grown and changed so much over the past 2 years of my life. 

I was really nervous about cutting my hair this short. I think it's super cute, kinda sexy, and really fun to play with and spike up every day. For me, cutting it off was symbolic of what's going on inside of me. One huge chapter of my life has come to a close; the next one is new, mysterious, and uncharted territory that I've yet to see. Land that I've yet to walk on. New oceans that I've yet to taste. When I cut my hair off, I symbolically felt the old parts of me being cut away and falling onto the floor. When I took a shower to wash all the hair off of my body, I felt like those past parts of me were being washed away. And even when I cleaned gobs of my hair out of the shower drain, I felt as if I were throwing the old me into the trash can. 

I looked into the mirror afterwards and finally saw a reflection of myself that accurately portrayed how I felt inside. And since people look so much at the outside and make so many judgments from it, now they will be able to accurately assume that I have changed. They will know on the surface by looking at me that my hair is different. Maybe then they will begin to make the connection that the inside of me is what has really changed. 

By the way? I love my short hair a whole lot. 

One To Go

I have less than a month left here in Southeast Asia. Time hasn't necessarily flown by, but here it is coming to a rapid ending nonetheless. I cannot help but reflect on the past 2 years of my life at this point in the game when it's so close to departure time.

Here's the bottom line: I've fallen in love with this country and the people in it.

All of my students, soccer girls, like-minded friends, market ladies, and people who used to be unfamiliar strangers. They have all become fierce friends and family to me here. My heart will be split into a million pieces in just a few weeks when I have to go back to America. If I'm honest with you all, I'll tell you something. I have no idea how to function in America anymore. Whenever I think about it, I just can't wrap my mind around it. It may seem completely retarded to you that I'm anything besides ecstatic about coming home, but to me? It's not surprising at all that coming home is laced with 1,000 different emotions and concerns.

Yes, I'm going to swim in a sea of Taco Bell quesadillas and drown myself in a waterfall of Code Red Mountain Dew. Yes, I'm also going to feel like an alien in my own culture and country. I could make a list more than a mile long of comparisons, pros, cons, fears, happy things… All I have left to do is trust and cling to the one who never leaves me.

So in this post, I'm going to try not to worry. I'm going to try to trust with reckless abandon instead. Someone holds my hands and heart. I may feel strange and alone, but I am not. I may not know the future whatsoever, but he does. I may feel completely unraveled and undone, but he will hold me together. If anything, being here has helped me to learn about trusting him with everything, even the smallest of things. Because he sees the depths of my soul, and he knows exactly what's coming next. Ask me about my plans, and I will tell you that I have a trillion ideas- no plans. I'm planning on waiting until I hear clearly what on this earth he wants me to do with the rest of my life (better yet what he wants me to do in this next stretch of the journey since he seems to like to reveal bits and pieces at a time.) People may not like that answer, but it's OK with me. When things are well with your soul, the rest seems to fall in line in its own timing. Thankfully, I have peace and hope to cling to.

Life has no pause button, no rewind, no fast forward. You cannot speed it up or slow it down. But by all means, you must live it. I have breath in my lungs for another day, so I know that I'm meant to live this life whatever may come. And, I am not, nor will I ever be alone. Today, my heart is holding on to that fact and trying to know it, believe it, and feel it deeply although I am afraid.

3, 2, 1….

Countdown

I'm up late tonight. Today is August 10th technically. That means that in exactly 2 months, I will be on my first plane ride home. For my friends and family back home, this is exciting for you and I. For my friends and those who have become family here, this is a bit of a heart-breaker as well. It's going to be… tough, scary, and a world of unknown.

Home

There are things that I miss and will love coming home to. I miss people more than anything. I have missed a lot of my brothers' ball games, concerts, and plays. I also missed watching them literally grow. They are now taller than me, faster, and probably stronger (but I will still put up a good fight.) I missed being there for sickness scares in my immediate family. I missed holding a hand while rounds of radiation were being completed and surgeries were done. I missed out old refrigerator finally biting the dust and being replaced by something awfully modern. So, one thing I will enjoy is being around- just existing on the same continent as most of the people who are close to my heart. 

Here

I am leaving Laos, which has been my home for going on 2 years. I will leave behind tons of relationships made with students. I will leave behind my soccer girls, who I've come to love so dearly. I will leave the language and culture that I've been busting my tail to learn and try to understand. I will leave a beautiful, mountainous, terraced rice field land. I will leave those who have taken me in on numerous holidays when I've felt like running away from the world. I will leave friends who I do not know if I will ever see again in this life. 

Fears and Feelings

I will be overwhelmed with joy when I hug my family for the first time in 2 years. I will tackle them all down in the airport and probably drown them in happy tears. I will love and hate Walmart and all its glorious food choices that will leave my jaw dropped. I will be scared of the unknown in this next phase of life. Where I will go to grad school, where to live, what kind of job to get, what career to pursue… I have a feeling that I will feel lost for a while right when I was starting to become familiar with life here in Laos. I am worried that I will choose wrongly. I am worried that I won't meet people's expectations, dreams, and goals for my life. I may let them down. 

But I am not alone… And I do have a purpose in this life. And God is with me. And he is faithful. He will not leave me, not ever. This is what I hold onto as a tidal wave tsunami of change lurks above my lead in suspense. When the wave crashes, somehow I know I will live to see it through. 

Thus marks the beginning of my 3, 2, 1, hold your breath count down.