The Holli Space: Certainly Uncertain

Of one thing I am certain: Uncertainty

Being here in Southeast Asia where life is slow and laid-back, where my normal background noise has come to be goats and chickens outside of my window, I have had a lot of time to think. I write more and take the time to ponder a lot of things that I had never had the time to think about before coming here. During my thinking time, something has majorly surprised me. Within the folds of my logic, facts, and reasoning, I have discovered a lot of layers, links, emotions, triggers, and feelings that other people may never understand. And even though others may never fully "get" me, these things are still a big, true part of me. They may not define who I am wholly, but they certainly help make up who Holli is.

I came to Asia to share and serve others. I knew what my purpose was, and I still know what my purpose remains to be. I knew that my time here would change me and effect the way that I see forever. However, I didn't expect that the impact would be so deep and life-altering.

My time here is not over yet. I still have 3 months and some change of my term, but if you asked me what words I would use to describe the experience so far, I'd say:

Healing, Feeling, Growth, Metamorphosis, Peace, Self-Exploration, Discovery, and Ownership

It's easy to trek through life and walk around as if you have everything figured out. It's easy to have boxes that you can put everything and everyone inside of. Having a two-sided coin and slapping people, situations, thoughts, or emotions on either side of the coin is so simple. What's really tough is delving into these 4 things for the multi-faceted, layered, complex, unique things that they are. It's also easier to jump head first into the deep of someone else's person. Tackling self is a whole lot harder. I feel like a recurring theme for my time here has been self-tackling; coming to terms with me. If you know me, you know that I do believe in God. I like to say that, "God always has something up his sleeve, and God has big sleeves." Part of the reason that God led me here to this place has become clear to me: I am here to grow.

I should be certainly uncertain about where I am and about where I think others are in life, because where we are is ever-changing, ever-growing, ever-molding. In other words, I'd rather peruse life as a learner, thinker, and listener than one who blindly speaks, boxes, and knows things. To always be the student rather than the professor. After all, I as a person do not possess the credentials or rights to be the professor of my life and everyone else's.

Summary? I don't have it all figured out.

Additional conclusion? And that is OK :)

Now, for some less serious stuff!

Me in the local style dress. We did a photo shoot, make-up, hair, and this is totally out of my character.

BUT! It was fun, and I wanted everyone to see the local digs.

My roommate and I. Our house is always an adventure with 4 different languages being spoken in order to communicate! Learning to give and receive patience.

My soccer girls and I watching some soccer ed. videos.

Highlights of last year's women's world cup.

Me getting a haircut in the capital. Everyone say hello to Apple, the chick with the awesome haircut chopping my locks off. I seriously need to broaden my hair horizons. She's rockin that pink!