I just realized that today is the last day of February. Sometime in October of this year, I'll be getting on a plane and heading back to America to start yet another chapter in my life. This leaves me with about 7 months left in Southeast Asia.
I'm bombarded with a slew of mixed thoughts and emotions. Parts of me are thinking of what on earth I'm going to do next. What grad school am I going to go to? Where am I going to live? Should I move somewhere? Where? When? And then… Oh my gosh! I only have 7 more months here. How can I make the most of them? Should I be doing more? Should I change what I'm doing now so that I can do more?? I don't want to say goodbye to things or people here just yet, and I don't know that I will ever fully be ready to say goodbye… or if it will ever truly be goodbye in my heart of hearts.
This place is slowly becoming home. I've the overwhelming sense that this is where I am supposed to be ever since I exited the plane last year. Now? Things are so familiar. The differences are more of just a familiar weirdness now, a weirdness that I kind of like and have become accustomed to at this point.
My life is in the fast lane. Yet, all of our lives are in the fast lane because time does not slow down for anything or anyone. You blink, and 2 years have disappeared. Cheers to speeding through this thing called life with your cruise control on.
God tells me something: that I should not live in the future, but I should live in the now. I have a bad habit of over-dreaming instead of just living. My head lives in the future. God tells me to just soak up what I've got right now. I have an feeling that he wants me to be poured out here because this is where he wants me right now. He has led me here, and he has a plan for my time here that's not quite finished yet no matter how close the day of departure comes.
So, this is my mind dump for the day. If you've been wondering what I'm thinking about, then this crests the surface of my brain.
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