Countdown
I'm up late tonight. Today is August 10th technically. That means that in exactly 2 months, I will be on my first plane ride home. For my friends and family back home, this is exciting for you and I. For my friends and those who have become family here, this is a bit of a heart-breaker as well. It's going to be… tough, scary, and a world of unknown.
Home
There are things that I miss and will love coming home to. I miss people more than anything. I have missed a lot of my brothers' ball games, concerts, and plays. I also missed watching them literally grow. They are now taller than me, faster, and probably stronger (but I will still put up a good fight.) I missed being there for sickness scares in my immediate family. I missed holding a hand while rounds of radiation were being completed and surgeries were done. I missed out old refrigerator finally biting the dust and being replaced by something awfully modern. So, one thing I will enjoy is being around- just existing on the same continent as most of the people who are close to my heart.
Here
I am leaving Laos, which has been my home for going on 2 years. I will leave behind tons of relationships made with students. I will leave behind my soccer girls, who I've come to love so dearly. I will leave the language and culture that I've been busting my tail to learn and try to understand. I will leave a beautiful, mountainous, terraced rice field land. I will leave those who have taken me in on numerous holidays when I've felt like running away from the world. I will leave friends who I do not know if I will ever see again in this life.
Fears and Feelings
I will be overwhelmed with joy when I hug my family for the first time in 2 years. I will tackle them all down in the airport and probably drown them in happy tears. I will love and hate Walmart and all its glorious food choices that will leave my jaw dropped. I will be scared of the unknown in this next phase of life. Where I will go to grad school, where to live, what kind of job to get, what career to pursue… I have a feeling that I will feel lost for a while right when I was starting to become familiar with life here in Laos. I am worried that I will choose wrongly. I am worried that I won't meet people's expectations, dreams, and goals for my life. I may let them down.
But I am not alone… And I do have a purpose in this life. And God is with me. And he is faithful. He will not leave me, not ever. This is what I hold onto as a tidal wave tsunami of change lurks above my lead in suspense. When the wave crashes, somehow I know I will live to see it through.
Thus marks the beginning of my 3, 2, 1, hold your breath count down.
